Role Modeling

Role modeling in its simplest definition is to learn from somebody – both good and bad. This process of learning never stops; even when we get older, we continue learning from others.

Role Models:

A role model is someone who is worthy of imitation – a person someone looks to and admires how she/he deals with some thing whether it be with people, situations and problems. This could be someone with exceptional good behavior, skills and abilities. But could also be someone with bad manners and behavior.

We learn by imitation. We look around for somebody that is doing what we want to do in a way that we admire, and then we take that person as an example to follow. In early years, we as children learn all kinds of things from watching parents or other people. We learn social skills which can be as basic as saying “please” and “thank you”.

Role modeling and the Somali culture:

Role modeling is a thing practiced in all cultures of the world. It is practiced in different forms and named in respect to the language of its culture but shares the same idea of imitation. Somalis have been practicing role modeling for centuries. The practice is bundled up in our proverbs. “Awrba awrka ka horeeya buu socod kiisa leeyahey” is a Somali saying which signifies the attempt of imitation of a person from another. You can only remember how many times your parents told you to do some thing or to behave in a way that somebody else does or behaves. You can call back if you are a parent how many times you told your son or daughter to do some thing or to behave in such a way because somebody else you admire does it or behaves. What that signifies is the fact that that somebody is/was worthy of imitation.

[Gardaad amma Gardaadin]; was a form of role modeling. I do not know if it is practiced to date or if it is one of the once upon a time thing (Bari hore waxa jiray). I haven’t heard about it for quite a long time, but to me it definitely was role modeling in its finest form. In its practicality, it was a nice way of saying that someone was good and I want my son or daughter becomes like that person. The [Gardaadin] was an important and carefully planned piece of work that was intended to produce something nice. It was done in the early weeks of a new born. This shows the importance of good role modeling in the minds of the Somali parents.

It is obvious to us all that good role modeling is as important as our intake of oxygen in this new world of sophistication. It is more important to those of us in the Diaspora and especially to those of us in the western world. We live in cultures that induce us to do some things that are in contrary to our culture. We Somalis are known to be receptive to outside cultures. Hence, we the parents have a home work to do. We have more responsibilities on our shoulders than ever. My dear readers please allow me to shed some lights on some important hints so that we always keep in mind what we can do for our selves and for our children.

Parents and Role Models:

Eda LeShan, a family counselor and author about parenting, has often said:

“The only way to raise a decent human being is by being one.”

We are constantly being watched and looked at. All the good things we do reflect ourselves and our families. While I was growing up in Borama, it was like the whole town raising a child. But that is no more, and it is now that it is only the parents who are to raise a child or children. Waa waalidka iyo caruurta iyo aduunyadan dhaqankeedu adag yahey. Waalidkow ogaada in aad tusaale u tihiin caruurtiina oo wakhti walba ishoodu kugu maqantahey. Caruurtuna waxa ugu badan ay wax ka baran karaana ay tahey idinka. Sidaad yeeshaba yagana ka fil.

Young children have no prior knowledge of any thing. They learn things as they grow up by watching eagerly and imitating some one. That some one; is usually one of or both of their parents. Therefore, parents are the first teachers and role models of a young child.
They learn how to behave by seeing how their parents behave and following their examples. If for example a parent uses a bad language in front of the children, that same bad language will be seen used by the child with in no time.

Teenagers are most clever in imitating. In this western countries we live in, those of us who are parents and came carrying our ethnic culture on our backs must know that the rules of the game now are different for our children who were born or grow up in our new home lands. If you are a father and spent a night away from home socializing whether it be Qaad or Garaabo or god forbid the hard stuff, then you can expect the same from your teenager son soon. If you are a mother and always busy driving your Van around the streets with your sun glasses and new Diric, you can expect your teenager daughter throwing the books after school and going out for an early chat with her friends and coming back just five minutes before you arrive home and making you think that she has been studying hard all night.

Wax walba ka digtoonow oo ogow waxaad qabaneysaba in carrutaadu ku daawaneyso. Oo waliba si fiican kuu daawanayaan si ay u sameeyaan waxey kaa barteen hadhow si ka fiican sidaadii. Guriga markaad joogtana tusaalo fiican tus. Markey wax dhiganayaan adna wax akhriso. Ma oran kartid wax aan akhriyo ma garanayo waayo waad akhrisan kartaa Quraankaba. Xaaji aabow ogow ilbaa kugu maqan. Subaxii Markey kacaan ee u anba baxayaan dugsiyada, adiguna sidoo kale amma shaqo tag amma meel kalaba tagoo. Tusaalee in reerku wada kacayo meel la tagaba. Haddi kale xaajow arimo aanad fileyn baad arki. Aan tusaalo ku siiyo anga oo kusoo hadal qabsanaya sheeko bari dhaweyd ka dhacday halka aan joogo ee Ottawa:

Nin Soomaaliyeed baa lahaa dhowr caruura. Wiilka u weyn caruurta wuxuu markaa ku jirey dugsiga sare oo badhtan ka marayey. Wiilkii baa bilaabey sagsaag oo duruustii jarjarey. Ka dib wuxuu gaadhey inuu joojiyo inuu tagaba dugsigii. Aabihii baa ogaadey inuu wiilkii dugsigii tagin. Odeygii oo cadho ku jirto ayaa soo fadhiisiyey wiilkii oo weydiiyey sababta uu ku joojiyey waxbarashadii. Jawaab male oo wiilkii hadal kasoo bixi waa. Odeygii baa markaa bilaabey canaan iyo waanno. Aaboy buu yidhi laba mid yeel; inaad waxbarashadaadii ku noqoto iyo in fadhi kuuma fiicnee aad shaqo tagto.Wiilkii foorarey ayaa odeygii layaabey oo sare madaxii u qaadey oo yidhi aaboy midnaba ma yeelayo maxaa yeeley waa mide waan nacey waxbarasho ku darsoo shaqada aad sheegeysana ma rabo. Odeygii baa yidhi waayahee sideed ku noolaan markaa. Wiilkii baa jawaaboo yidhi sidaad u nooshahey baan u noolaan. Wuu sii wadoo wuxuu yidhi aabow adiguba tan iyo intaan Kanada nimid ma arag aroor aad kacdey ood shaqo u kacdey. Ma arag adiga oo wax dhiganaya ileen qeyrkaaba wax bey bartaanoo waxbarasho da’ malaha e . Habeen iyo maalin halkaa uun baad fadhidaa kol aad garaabo cunto iyo kol aad saaxiibadaa kala sheekeysato taleefanka idinka oo ka hadlaya wixii ka dhaca wadan la yidhaa Soomaaliya amma talafishanka uun baad rogrogtaa kolba waxaad daawataba. Markaa aaboy midna ma yeelayo waayo adba midna maad yeelin lacagta dowladu kusiisana anba wey isiin oo waan aqaanaa xafiiska ceydha.

Laba arimood oon kor ku qorey ayaa halkaa ka fuley. Waa mare awrba awrka ka horeeya buu socodkiisa leeyahey oo kuwii la dhashey ee ku daba jireyna arintoodo Aloo ka duwa mooyee waa sida wiilka. Ta xigta sidaan sheegey waa la ina fiirsanayaa oo ishaa inagu maqan oo wakaa wiilkii ku tala jira inuu sameeyo wixii uu ka bartey xaajigii aabihii. Murtidu waxey tahey ha la digtoonaado waa la ina fiirsanayaaye wax wanaagsan halagaa barto.

Social Skills:

Things best taught by example are social skills and attitudes. Children learn more naturally at home than any where else. Good manners start at home and the child learns from that environment. If a child sees a parent using please and thank you all the time at home as well as outside, that child picks up the words and makes them bundled with his/her own daily life. As children take part in social activities with a parent, they begin to notice how the parent reacts to other people and new situations. A child’s own self-confidence in meeting people often depends on the parents’ example.

The Home Atmosphere:

Children not only learn things from parents, they also absorb the general atmosphere of the home. A child raised in a home filled with love, affection and cooperation can easily show love to others. For those of us who live in the western countries, this is I think a particular area that we must pay attention. The stress and the frustration associated in living in the western countries are not some thing that we are familiar with. We in the Diaspora are experiencing many difficulties. Cultural shock, employment barriers, foreign languages, are among the many hardships we are feeling. This creates unnecessary conflicts in our homes and that we know it. These have an impact on our children and also create an unpleasant atmosphere of the home. So, my fellow Somalis, it is an advantage to our children if we constantly try to improve the atmosphere of our homes.

Preach what you practice:

Children often have no idea why we do what we do. Explain things out to them. This is again another field we Somalis need to learn. We don’t talk to our children. We know in our culture that we adults don’t take time to converse with the children. Meel ay ka timid garan maayo ee koleyba waalidku inta badan lama sheekeysto caruurta. Yar iyo kuwa waaweyn midnaba hadal uma furno. Kuwa qaan gaadhka ahna yaga inaan salaam uun ka qaadno amma wax udirano mooyee wey yartahey inaan si haboon ula sheekeysano oon wax ka weydiino gaarahaan wixii khuseeya noloshooda iyo waxbarshadooda. Wada hadalku iyo wada tashiga iyo waliba wax u sheeguba wuxuu abuuraa nolol guri oo jaceyl ka muuqdo. Ogowna hadii aad aabo tahey ood sheeko u fidin weydo inankaaga adiga oo wax walba ka warsanaya oo islamarka wax uga sheegaya wacdiga nolol maalmeedka, adiguna ha filin inuu kuu yeedho oo wax kuu sheego. Hooyadana sidoo kale. Iska ilooba iney idinla tashadaan hadii aanad ka dhaadhicin in albaabadu furanyahiin.

Our Mother tongue:

Our mother language seems to be losing ground among our children. There is a miss understanding among us which states that our children will not be fluent in the official languages of the countries we live in if we let them learn the Somali language. This is a myth. As a matter of fact there was a study not long ago about the affects of the foreign languages in learning environments where English or French languages are official. For example learning in the schools where English or French are the official languages and other language being the official language at home. That is to say for example English or French at school and Somali at home. The study concluded that it is advantageous to children to learn both languages. The results went further and clarified that it is beneficial to children and even increases the smartness of the children. And that is apart from the many advantages learning both languages have.

Hala ogaado in barashada afkeena hooyo waxba u dhimeyn waxbarashada caruurteena.

Markaa Soomaaliyey yaan la moogaan afkeena hooyo inaan ku dhiiri galino caruurteena inay bartaan.

…….To be continued……

Suleiman Abdi Dugsiye
Ottawa