Switching Places

(A Recommendation to the gift givers)

Although Somalilanders have been made to believe that democracy has been fully established in our young Republic, internet websites have been bombarded recently with a new notion of a gift giving scheme which contradicts our system of democracy as well as that of the world. There has been much talk recently about the office of the presidency being given to Awdal as a gift. This is also becoming a uniform talk among a lot of Somalilanders. Nowadays, there never passes a day that I don’t hear the Awdal gift in some way or the other. Listen to any political conversation and some time, some how comes out the sentence of Awdal being given the presidency as a gift.

How and where this gift giving body operates is unknown. It seems that our dreams of nation building together are replaced by giving gifts. To me, this new gift giving kind of democracy seems to be “half-baked pie” idea. I here by recommend a full-baked alternative to the gift giving body to consider putting them in action for the coming sixteen years.

Switching Places (Qalabaa gadi):

Switching places is a proposal in which the Somaliland confederacy partners are switched with each other for the coming sixteen years. It is a finely tuned exchange between the confederacy partners in which they switch roles. While this might sound a scary prospect to a partner, the life lessons that would be learned through the experience will give all the partners a greater appreciation for each other.

In the switching, all positions will change places. The office of the Presidency, the Parliament, the Guurti and all government positions will be affected. Cities will change status and some personalities will get in on an act.

First and foremost, the office of the president will change hands. Siilaanyo will be given the gift of becoming the President of Somaliland. Of course, Somalilanders will go to election and vote for him just to satisfy the democratic election due process. Hargeisa and Borama will change status. Borama will become the capital of Somaliland and hence Siilaanyo (the gift getter President) will have his palace in Borama. All government departments, as well as the international agents will relocate to Borama. That will put Borama in full employment status as Hargeisa has been enjoying for the last sixteen years. Siilaanyo will have to adopt the “blame everything for the President” policy as Rayale adopted for so long. Siilaanyo (the gift receiver) will not be allowed to visit his home region and will be stuck in Borama like Rayale has been stuck in Hargeisa during his term.

The government office for the appeasement of SNM will have to close doors as it can not operate in Awdal. Instead a similar office will open doors for Horyaal in Borama city. Siilaanyo will have then to find a way to include “Naftood Hurayaasha Horyaal” in his speeches and will have to surround himself with Horyaal members.

Rayale will move to Qunujeed. As soon as the switching takes effect, he will have to spare no time bashing Siilaanyo by any means necessary and will have to reject what ever comes from Siilaanyo just for the sake of being in opposition and will have to contradict himself more often than not – a position held by Siilaanyo at the present time.

The Parliament and the Guurti will switch places too. In other words, the number of the seats occupied by the Isaaqs will go to the Samaroons and vice versa. I know that this will create headache, but hey, the Samaroons have been living with this nightmare for the last sixteen years. Therefore, Isaaqs will have to figure out a way to adapt to it. In addition, Isaaqs will have to adapt the “quite diplomacy” and will have to accept the “starve with dignity” policies – policies practiced by the Samaroons for a loooong time.

Now, the Samaroons having the majority in both houses will have to make sure that no motion passes through in any way possible. This will in turn make sure to let Somaliland hang in the middle of no where for the coming years and will also make sure to put the public in a chronic state of confusion more than ever.

The tarmac road between Borama and Dilla will be in completion with in no time. Infrastructure of Awdal will be developed and rehabilitated all the time. But those of the other regions will be neglected to a zero point infrastructure.

The port of Zeila will be developed and Awdalites will enjoy almost free tariff import/export. But citizens from the other regions will be taxed heavily as Awdalites are treated in Berbera at the present time.

Customs officers will be trained. Border crossing at Lowyacado will be made easy, but border crossing at the other corner will be restricted and people will be let to experience hell – some kind of a policy that is in effect at Lowyacado at present.

Personalities will be required to act like those playing in the political field of Somaliland. So far, Osman Bahdon volunteered to act like Biixi. He will have to research, praise Horyaal members and revive their fame and good deeds by any means necessary and will have to write speeches for Rayale in Qunujeed.

I (Dugsiye) volunteered to buy a whip (dheengad) and will act like inna Kaahin. I will have to make sure to try to whip Siilaanyo out of the presidential palase in Borama.

Osman Yusuf (Osman Dheere) volunteered to act like Baradhe (Potatoes). He will get all the contracts especially the Adhi contract. He will have to subcontract only to Awdalites and will have to remind the complainants that Siilaanyo has been given the gift of the president and that they are not qualified for any subcontract.

Awdal correspondents will replace Diridhabe and will have to make sure that they leave no stone unturned to make up stories in the mijilises. They will be required to read every article written against Awdal and will personally respond to the author in secret.

Warsan magazine of Ottawa will open branches in Borama city and will act like Haatuf. The magazine will have the privilege to take pictures of all the properties of Siilaanyo and will spread lies against the will be president accusing him of corruption as it has never happened in the world before. But will not write a word about the first lady as Warsan group are bound to respect “ilaalinta dhaqankeena iyo xushmada dumarkeena”.

Adam Isaaq airport of Borama will be developed and will become the main airport in Somaliland Republic.
A new party will open doors and will be named USTAAD. The new party will act like the Qaran party. The president of Ustaad will be ALXAAJ CAATEEYE and will act like Gaboose.

As soon as the switching takes effect, Goljano computer training school of Borama will be given a lucrative contract to conduct a population count in Berbera and Burco. Goljano will exercise it’s know how and will do the job in flying colors and will come up with a correct estimate unlike Gaavo’s junk.

In conclusion, switching places is like putting one’s shoes into the other. The life lessons that would be learned through the experience will give all the partners a greater appreciation for each other sixteen years at a time. The next partners (Sool and Sanaag) will have their turns respectively after Awdal and the rounding will then begin all over again and again and again ilaa qiyaamaha. In all these years Somaliland will hang up in the air. I hope this proposal will serve better than the gift giving scheme.

P/S There are those who always pretend to have been offended by any thing. I know that I will be receiving tens of hate e-mails in respond to this article. I urge them to get into the comfort zone and hold their blames for the incoming president - the will be getting the gift of the presidency - as I am holding my whipping.

Suleiman Dugsiye

Ottawa, Canada